Why is sex still taboo? This month, Aunt Julie explores shame, double standards, and why women deserve comfort, choice, and better healthcare.
Sex. That great big word that either makes us giggle in glee or shy away in embarrassment. It is rare to be in a conversation where the word ‘sex’ is uttered, and it is absorbed like any other word into the whurr of our minds.
But why is sex a taboo word, and why do its connotations have such a major implication for women and our freedom to enjoy it, express our concerns about it, or simply avoid it like the plague?
Image of Molly Malone statue in Dublin where it is common for people to rub her breasts for good luck.
Historically, sex was a functional activity for many women, an act they must perform to be a good and dutiful wife. But today, for many of us, it has developed into something that brings us pleasure, connection, and, dare I say, excitement; on the flip side of this, many people have a feeling of dread when the conversation of sex comes up.
So, why are we afraid to talk about it when we know that everyone is doing it? It’s what sells us products on T.V ads, or clothing, or partners we could have given a miss. From the sexual liberation of the 60s to the glorification of hypersexual celebrities, we are left with a feeling that we just can’t compete with the idealised liberation or objectification.
The Idea That Sex Is Dirty
From childhood to the point we actually start experimenting with sex, we were often not taught about the realities of what sex is like and were fear-mongered into thinking that if we had sex, even once, we might end up pregnant or with an STI. This stems from the purity culture of religion, where maidens were seen as pure, and any lady who had done the deed was now tarnished and would remain a spinster for the rest of her long and lonely life.
I found that during my time, the sex education in schools was somewhat wanting. While there has always been a heavy hand in discussing contraception and how to prevent pregnancy artificially, there was never much mention of human connection, awkward conversations you might have with your partner, how to know the signs of an STI, or the detailed biological anatomy and the function of the organs beyond the basics.
For many of us, the idea of talking to our parents about sex was out of the question. Either for the fear of punishment for entertaining the idea, or for the pure violation of having to listen to our parents recount their own experiences and our conception. Thus, we were left to experiment or talk with friends who had little to no idea beyond our own.
Judgment of Desire or Prudishness
In today's society, we are still conditioned in many ways to see women's bodies as objects of sexual desire, but are told not to flaunt ourselves ‘indecently’. It would seem there is always an opinion on what is acceptable for a woman to wear, do or say. This is why JulieMay Lingerie is so passionate about holding space for women to show up authentically and boldly - however they come.
We may not all agree, but personally, I believe a nipple is a nipple and should be allowed the freedom of sunshine and fresh air if its owner likes, regardless of gender. Unfortunately, due to stigma and glorification, women are not given the same freedom to go topless as men. I have discovered it is a global issue, but especially here in the UK, where even the whiff of a woman being topless is enough to bring stares and rabble around her. Subsequently, it is usually safer not to.
While women are penalised for showing nipples and, in many cases, for breastfeeding their children on social media or in public, men have every right to display their hairy chests whenever they like.
While we may not be nude, if we cover ourselves up entirely, we are considered prudes.
I smell discrimination and objectification.
Now I say this all in the plight of reclaiming our voice. We deserve to choose how we present to the world with no labels stitched onto our backs. If that means wearing a burka or going to the nudist beach, it should be YOUR choice and yours alone.
In a stand for choice, JulieMay Lingerie asks women ‘What Makes You Feel Beautiful?’ and encourages women to wear what makes them feel comfortable and to adorn oneself with passion and care.
Medical Support and Shame
Now this may shock you, but women were not included in clinical studies (by law) until 1993. Therefore, many of the historical medical papers and findings do not relate to the female anatomy, and we are being treated like men, literally. This explains why so often, women feel unseen and unheard when they reach out to a doctor for severe symptoms like heavy bleeding, bloating, severe menopause symptoms, postpartum depression, issues related to female contraception, and a thousand other issues that have not been researched properly.
As a population that has been taught not to make a fuss, sit down, and shut up, we often get gaslit into thinking we are ‘just being dramatic’ and debilitating conditions go undiagnosed for years. Medical surveys found that up to 84% of female respondents felt their concerns were not listened to - especially when it came to maternity care.
As many of the perfunctory side effects of sex fall on women - contraception, pregnancy, making sure we smell like roses, are not ‘dry like the Sahara’, and maintaining a seductive but not lewd attitude- we are often overburdened with the amount of ongoing prep and internalised misogyny.
This often translates into a feeling of burdensome shame about not being perfect 100% of the time and allowing people to see our cracked facade. Because that is what it is, a facade.
No, We Are Not Perfect
No, we are not perfect. What they told you, sold you, and controlled you with is a lie. Women were never made to be a perfect, malleable sex doll. We are living, breathing, interesting, slightly smelly, strong, courageous people who have been slowly ground down over the decades to think we should not have desires or talk about our sex life.
Embracing ourselves and truly feeling ourselves can be hard, I know that. But we can start to embrace the people around us when they open up, and we can give them a safe space to explore their experiences or talk about their troubles. How can we ever truly understand ourselves if we bring down the barricades when others are trying to offer a way out of this ancient, crumbling castle of stigma?
Now I could go on forever talking about how we have been manipulated, castrated, and segregated in this blog, also known as ‘Female Empowerment Battles Misogynistic Sex Ideas’, but alas, we will save some of it for another time. I hope this has given you some food for thought; please, do write and let me know.
With bountiful boldness, Aunt Julie x
